I come to you live from my office: Bon Iver’s music filling the air, a diet coke close enough to feel the bubbling fizz, and a flickering Anthro candle to fill the cold, winter air with a sweet, calming Aloha Orchid scent.
Today is one of those days I need to write. I’ve tried to keep this blog meaningful, positive, and a place to connect to others going through similar situations. But today, again, is one of those days I need to just write.
On Thursday afternoon, I had a blood draw appointment. I headed into the Minnesota Oncology clinic, [it’s closer than driving to Mayo for every lab appointment], gave the receptionist my name, and took a seat in the waiting room. As I sat down, [and realized I forgot my phone in the car, damn!], an older gentlemen next to me says, rather loudly, “What is a girl like her doing in a place like this?!”
At first, I didn’t realize a-girl-like-her meant me, until felt most of the waiting room’s eyes on me, and looked up to a lot unapologetic stares.
I am aware I usually stand out in an oncology center. Since I am an ‘adult,’ I visit ‘adult’ facilities, so I am usually the youngest one in every waiting room. I am lucky enough to have a head full of hair and I don’t need assistance breathing with an oxygen tank. There are many times, I get the eyes, which seem to ask the same question this older gentleman asked out loud; the eyes that seem to wonder, ‘you look healthy enough, what are you doing here?’
So, I turned to the older gentleman next to me, gave a meek smile, and said, “I’m here for lab work, to make sure all my counts are stable.”
With that answer the rest of the waiting room, seemed satisfied and went back to reading magazines or chatting quietly with the friend or family member that came with them on their visit. However, the older gentleman still had something to say, again, loudly:
“You can’t tell me you have cancer?! You’re too young to start dealing with the shit I’m dealing with, way too young. Bless your soul, young lady. Bless your soul.”
He had a younger woman with him, who put her hand on his and looked at me, as if to say, ‘He’ll stop now, & I’m sorry.‘
Before I could think of a response, a nurse came into the waiting room and called my name & all I felt like I had time to do was to give him a big smile and say, “Have a nice day.”
It was an interesting blood draw visit to say the least, & I’m not sure why, but it left me feeling a little down.
So, to make myself feel better, I came home, put some flowers around the house. My thinking is… a couple beautiful vases would help, because who wouldn’t like looking at fresh flowers in every room?
The rest of the weekend has provided some more roller coaster like events, but I’ll spare you those details, & leave you with the fact that I’m very anxious for my next scans at Mayo. I’ll be calling this week to get in sooner than later. I need to put my mind at ease & finally get to this three year mark and move on. [The whole three year mark haunts me in my dreams, like a teaser to where I’m supposed to, close enough to touch, yet still so far away].
Onto happier events…
Tony and I have some really fun concerts coming up: Bruce Springsteen, Mumford and Sons, The Lumineers, and Slightly Stoopid.
I have some additional concerts intermixed with those, as well: Adele & Beyonce.
Rough life, right?
I know, we got it pretty good 😉
xo my sprinkles